My Turn: New daughter-in-law’s extended stay makes for beautiful bond
They arrived on our doorstep, almost strangers to us, our son’s pregnant wife and toddler stepdaughter.
Just nine months after a whirlwind courtship and wedding, the request came from our son: Would we share our home with his young family while he deployed to Okinawa? Our son would miss Mother’s Day, his stepdaughter’s second birthday, Memorial Day, the Fourth of July, his and his sister’s birthdays, his first-year wedding anniversary, his new wife’s birthday, Halloween and the birth of his baby daughter. Of course, we would take them in.
It’s not an easy thing to take in a family. From our daughter-in-law’s perspective, still basking in the joy of being a newlywed, it must have been a nightmare to pack up your home and move in with your in-laws. That’s the stuff of which sit-coms or reality TV shows are made.
We set up her and our granddaughter in our son’s old room. Once resplendent with discarded socks and the detritus of a teenage boy, it had most recently served as my home office. Now, drawers and closets had been cleaned, desktop cleared and new bedding purchased.
At first, we all circled around each other, warily, unfailingly polite and gracious while we navigated who sat in which lounge chair in the family room, who needed to shower at what time, who got to park in the driveway and who had to find parking on the street and who had dibs on the salted caramel ice cream in the freezer.
Toddler brings changes
It had been awhile since we’d had toddlers in the house. And this one looked at us like we were her own, personal entertainment center. And, as we discovered, caring for a toddler has come a long way in the 20-plus years since our kids were young. Car seats, for example, require an engineering degree to install. Bottles are not really bottles anymore — they have otherworldly designs and what we affectionately referred to as ‘bottle condoms’– disposable sleeves that you simply discard after use.
Then there’s nap time and dinner time and early bed time; well, OK, as older adults, we can be rightly accused of already being already with these things. But adding a toddler to the mix means these things are on her schedule, not yours.
We enrolled Maci in preschool, where she thrived and was excited every day to see what new things she could learn. This gave her pregnant mom a chance to nest, rest and enjoy her pregnancy.
I wanted to get to know the woman who had stolen my son’s heart, and we discovered we both liked watching Lester Holt on the nightly news and pure vanilla ice blended drinks from Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf.
Joe and I introduced her to our competitive version of “Jeopardy.” She introduced us to “Shark Tank.” And we talked at night about our families and our dreams for our children. I showed her recipes that our son liked, and she cooked us foods that she was making for him.
South Bay introduction
We shared with both Christie and Maci the joys of living in the South Bay: the beach, the Strand, the Hometown and American Martyrs’ fairs and the aquarium on the Manhattan Beach Pier. We took Maci from the Palos Verdes Peninsula horse stables, where she learned how to feed carrots and apples to horses, to the public pool in El Segundo. She became friends with every dog in our neighborhood, as well as on the Strand, and several owners, too.
Of course, there were moments when doors were shut in frustration, and we commenced walking on eggshells. We got annoyed when she wouldn’t adjust Maci’s schedule for some special event. She got frustrated with us when we interfered in her parenting.
But as the days turned into weeks and the weeks to months, we settled into a nice rhythm and routine. We joked with one another. We argued about politics. And as it got closer to Christie’s due date, and she began to pack up her and Maci’s belongings for their move back to their home, we began to think about how much we would miss them both and how much they had become part of our lives.
Our son comes home
On Nov. 5, Christie gave birth to a healthy baby girl, Caroline Ann-Marie Franklin. We Skyped Jimmy, our son, for the birth. A week later, we moved Christie and Maci back to Miramar Marine Corps Air Station. That same afternoon, Jimmy arrived home from Okinawa, where my husband, daughter and I stood back while he greeted his wife and stepdaughter, and met his newborn daughter for the first time.
It’s said that “they also serve who only stand and wait.” While I wouldn’t call what we did “waiting,” I believe we served our son as he has served his country. I am thankful to the Marines for returning my son home to our family, and I am proud to have returned my son’s family back to him.
