Does Finding Love Again Make You Golden?

Okay, I’ll admit it. I watched the premiere of “The Golden Bachelor.”

I wasn’t alone. So did 4.1 million others, making it the most-watched “Bachelor” franchise episode since 2021.

I also will confess that I have been an infrequent viewer of the series since it first debuted back in March 2002.

For those of you who have been living in bunkers, “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette” series are about putting 20+ men and one woman (the “Bachelorette”), or 20+ women and one man (the “Bachelor”), in a house for several weeks. Dating ensues. And so does backstabbing, gossiping, crying, tantrums, confrontations, and some very jaw-droppingly bad behavior. All of this is to find the potential love of their lives, get engaged with a diamond ring the size of a Brazil nut, and live happily ever after. Or kick-start an on-air career of fame and fortune, if some of these contestants are being honest about their motives.

But first, the bachelor or bachelorette needs to winnow down the candidates.

The process of elimination is pretty simple: Each week, at the end of the show, the bachelor or bachelorette hands out roses to those potential partners with whom they feel a budding relationship. Those who don’t get roses get a one-way limousine ride back to the airport, usually crying and denigrating the bachelor for his lack of intelligence and poor choice, and, I assume, back to their reality life. Each week, this “rose ceremony” is repeated until only two contestants, er…suitors or suitresses, remain. In each season finale, a marriage proposal is made to the candidate of the bachelor or bachelorette’s choice.

Up to now, these bachelors and bachelorettes have been in their early 20s to mid-30s. Which, to me, pretty much explained the bad behavior throughout the arduous process. So I was really looking forward to this older bachelor and seeing a more mature relationship develop.

I might be wrong.

The women spilled forth from their limousines, with some looking ready to spill out of the tops of their dresses, to meet the 71-year-old widower bachelor. Several of them had little cringe-worthy schticks to help make their first introduction to him more memorable. Just like the 20-somethings. And just like the 20-somethings, I was embarrassed for many of them.

I get it. Dating is hard. Dating on TV is harder. But finding a lasting relationship should not be a competition or a popularity contest, although it wouldn’t be worth watching if there wasn’t some form of drama or wagering involved.

At the end of that first episode, one woman got the “first impression” rose; Six women got the boot.

The preview of coming attractions for future episodes shows more crying, conniving, adventure dates, horseback and ATV riding, sunsets, carnivals, and moonlight walks. And lots of canoodling.

Personally, I’m hoping for something a bit more dignified. I’m hoping that these women, and the “Golden Bachelor,” will be their authentic selves. After lives well lived and full of experience, they should be able to cut through the “bovine excrement” of reality TV and just get on with it. And is it too much to hope that a few of the women will say, “Meh, he’s not for me” and graciously bow out for something better suited to their hopes and dreams?

I hope so. Because I don’t think I can go through the next six months watching the catfight that this show usually becomes. Or the face-sucking that accompanies it.

That would just suck.