35 Things to do on Your First Day of Retirement

1. Watch the morning traffic report while lying in bed, laughing
2. Waste two hours on LinkedIn seeing who is still working
3. Eat brunch of cold cereal from box you found in back of pantry
4. Organize pantry
5. Check email to see if anyone from the office needs help
6. Try to match Tupperware lids with containers
7. Give up. Trip to The Container Store
8. Get in car, realize still in bathrobe. Change into sweatpants
9. Discard all expired pantry staple items
10. While grocery shopping for fresh staple items, overbuy exotic cheese wedges before remembering you’re lactose intolerant  
11. Consider setting up new home office in bedroom recently vacated by adult son
12. Clean out closet in bedroom recently vacated by adult son
13. Decide to organize all photos found in closet of bedroom recently vacated by adult son
14. Spend hour looking at photos. Put photos in plastic bags and put back in closet
15. Trip to The Container Store for desk
16. Trip to The Container Store for file cabinets
17. Trip to Office Depot for office supplies and printer paper
18. Trip back to The Container Store for correct size file cabinets
19. Read every Facebook and Instagram post from last three days
20. Play solitaire for two hours
21. Check to see if mail has come
22. Spend half hour filling out Publishers Clearing House sweepstakes contest entry
23. Get paper cut.
24. Disinfect finger
25. Organize bandages in bathroom medicine cabinet
26. Organize rest of medicine cabinet
27. Text everyone to see what they’re doing
28. Sit down to start novel you’ve always wanted to write
29. Stare at blank screen for an hour
30. Take nap
31. Another game of Solitaire
32. Enjoy chardonnay with Ruffles® for dinner
33. Fall asleep on couch while watching an old movie from the 1980s
34. Time for bed! Where did the day go?
35. Think of all the things you’ll do on your second day of retirement