Fauci Tests Positive for Veritas

Quarantined from White House Press Briefings

(Washington, D.C., March 24, 2020)—Anthony S. Fauci, M.D., Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Disease and a member of the White House Corona Virus Task Force, has tested positive for VERITAS, a new virus being watched by the White House. Dr. Fauci has been quarantined from future press briefings, White House staffers have confirmed.

Staffers said the President became aware of Dr. Fauci’s illness when he was caught on camera taking his temperature with his hand on his forehead following one of President Trump’s statements about the coronavirus.

“We noticed that action immediately,” said Stephanie Grisham, White House Press Secretary. “After the press conference, in an abundance of caution, we asked Dr. Fauci to quarantine himself so that what he says doesn’t spread any further and influence others.”

“Having Dr. Fauci quarantined sends a very clear message that his verity will not get the upper hand with this President,” Ms. Grisham continued. “We remain clear that obfuscation, equivocating, fibbing, inventing, misstating, delusive, unreliable  and wrong information will continue, even after the weather gets warm in April.”

When asked if the President had been tested for VERITAS, since he had been standing  very close to Dr. Fauci, and well within the recently imposed social distancing space, Ms. Grisham confirmed that the President had been tested. “The President has tested negative for VERITAS.”

Dr. Fauci, speaking from his home, had this to say: “I want all Americans to have VERITAS, but since we already know that not everyone will be infected, we hope that a new test, developed in Italy, the PINOCCHIO VERITAS test, will at least let us know who to believe.”