Christmas, 2024

Deck the Halls With Franklin Folly!

Dear Family & Friends,

Deck the halls with Franklin folly! Ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha HAAAAA! As we recap another year, let’s start with Taylor and Jimmy, who continue to claim to be Joe and Nancy’s heirs.

Taylor, now too old to want her age mentioned, continues her reign of terror as Senior Room Operations Manager at the Westin LAX. She says every day is like working in Hell, although Joe and Nancy never thought the hotel was that “haute.”

Taylor gets to escort the billionaire owners of various NFL teams to their rooms when they check in for games.  She also gets to escort out characters who randomly wander in off the streets.  This is perhaps why she’s called the “Westin Escort.”  At least that’s the reason Joe and Nancy hope she’s called that, although no matter what she’s doing, Joe and Nancy are just happy to have her out of the house.

Taylor would like you to know that it’s hard to find good employees. Even when you think you’ve hired the cream of the crop and given them the best training, there’s still one employee who felt “comfortable shoes” in the dress code meant bedroom slippers, another who asked for time off for her grandmother’s fifth funeral, and a third who thought the 40,000-gallon water leak in the lobby from the broken fifth-floor sprinkler system was the hotel’s new “water feature.”

Taylor went to North Carolina this past week with Joe and Nancy to visit with Jimmy, Christie, and “the Grands.” There, she continued the debate with her brother, Jimmy, about who has the “smoother brain” (Google it). Friendly fire between siblings is always fun, isn’t it? Compared to those two round grape heads, Joe and Nancy feel like raisins.

Jimmy was mistaken in a Walmart recently for Yukon Cornelius, the hirsute prospector in the 1964 Christmas special, “Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer.” According to Jimmy, the kids have been asking for a “paid-off mortgage” for Christmas. You’ve got to admire his “prospecting” skills, although Nancy and Joe have assured him that he’s going to have to dig a bit deeper and probably in a different location if he wants to strike gold.

The  “Grands” are now 10, 8, and 5. They’ve mastered the art of billing ice cream, candy, chips, and soda to the room at any hotel their grandparents take them to. Nancy and Joe believe they also hold the Guinness World Record for the fastest time turning $150 of arcade money into $1.49 worth of plastic Slinkys, an enamel mood ring, and a soupçon of fart noise-making slime. When they start turning water into wine, Nancy will put a “My grandkids are winemakers of the month” sticker on her car.

Nancy, now old enough to be appraised on “Antiques Road Show,” took several trips this year. And by “trips,” she means actual flying-in-the-air-to-someplace” as opposed to simply taking off-brand, mind-altering medication. In March, she went with a bunch of her high school friends to Cincinnati. Cincinnati is famous for its chili, infused with nutmeg, cinnamon, and chocolate and served over spaghetti. This is an acquired taste, and even if you take a whiskey tour through next-door Northern Kentucky and “acquire” too much whisky, Cincinnati chili still tastes…well…awful.

Nancy also attended her 50-year high school reunion this year (three years late because…COVID!). Remains were viewed, and several “keggers” were eulogized, which is how Nancy decided that her eyesight was fine and that the haze she’d been experiencing for 53 years was just a very bad hangover from high school.

In November, Nancy took her not-ready-for-a-Pulitzer writing career to her first writers’ conference in Kauai. Joe had to tag along to make sure Nancy wasn’t just looking for a vacation from him. At the conference,  Nancy learned two things: Her writing doesn’t suck, and after a few Mai Tais, it starts to sound like Steinbeck.

But this year belongs to Joe, who became Mayor of Manhattan Beach in January and attended every opening event available.  Before Nancy could open the refrigerator, an envelope, or a bottle of Trader Joe’s “2-Buck Chuck” (and believe Nancy when she says she opened more than her fair share of bottles this year), Joe would step up and begin, “As Mayor, I’m happy to be here for this grand opening!”

This being an election year and Joe’s council term coming to a close, Joe wanted to run again for Manhattan Beach City Council. “Are you an idiot?” Nancy said. “Are you insane? Are you out of your mind?” And then Nancy realized that Joe was all three and, therefore, a perfect candidate.

And thus began the longest campaign ever. For Nancy. She finally had to draw the line when Joe decided he wanted to dress up as a ballot harvester for Halloween and go door-to-door saying “Trick or vote.” For Thanksgiving, all Joe wanted was a stuffed ballot box rather than the traditional stuffed turkey. He ran on the campaign slogan, “Promises made. Promises kept.” Nancy is still waiting for him to make good on that promise to tackle the “honey-do” list. When all the votes were counted and certified earlier this month, Joe had won another term on the Manhattan Beach City Council by one of the largest vote totals in Manhattan Beach history. But that’s what all men say about their erect…elections, isn’t it?

And so, as this year comes to a close, Nancy is still looking for three wise men to show up. Anywhere. The Franklins give thanks for their health and their family and friends who continue to support them through good times and bad. A special “thank you” to those of you who voted for Joe, giving Nancy another four years of peace around the house. Thanks for helping a Sister out!

May you have peace, prosperity, and love in the New Year!

Joe and Nancy Franklin (and the rest of the Franklin family!)