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Honey, can you help me...
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Honey, can you help me.....?     373 Words

There wasn't a woman in America who was surprised by the medical report published recently from the Australia Cancer Council Victoria. Published in the British Journal of Urology International, the report says, and they are darn serious,  that frequent masturbation could help protect against prostate cancer. Gee, like my husband hasn't been launching a variation of THAT hot air balloon throughout our 13-year marriage.

Let's check my daily "To Do" list:
1. Take laundry to dry cleaners
2. Go to bank
3. Help husband ejaculate

Right. Can you hear all of us women laughing?

Personally, I would have liked to see the ad requesting study participants:
"Seeking men who frequently ejaculate. Lots of experience necessary." Yeah, like men don't have a reputation for stretching the truth in this area.

And, naturally, the "protective effect" experienced by men later in life seems to be greater for those men who were more active in their 20s. If this doesn't give you an excuse to lock up your daughters, I don't know what does.

Researchers have called the hypothesis surrounding the study "prostatic stagnation". I'm sure most women could have saved the researchers a lot of time by telling them that this is probably the one area a man will never allow to become "stagnant". In fact, we'd be willing to go a few steps further by telling researchers that the areas of personal hygiene, household chores and home improvements should be bigger areas of concern for possible "stagnation".

So now that men around the world have a new argument to counter that "not tonight, honey, I have a headache" excuse, I'd like to see a new group of studies that support women's needs. I'm thinking studies like: "Shopping Protects Women Against Homicidal Tendencies" or "Chick Movies Increase Testosterone in Men" or "Running A Vacuum Every Now And Then Won't Kill You". I'm sure the researchers will get right on this.

The researchers concluded their report by stating that if the findings are confirmed (and what red blooded male won't want to participate in further studies in this regard?), doctors will be prescribing a new set of "exercise recommendations" to reduce the risk of prostate cancer. I don't think compliance will be a problem. However, we should all be watching for the increase in carpal tunnel syndrome.

2004 Nancy Franklin. All rights reserved